KwaNTum Field Notes 2022 #4: Autophysiopsychic — Science Mad Gone
Com/PuTer ProCeSSing uNiT ComMend 4:
“If I didn’t define myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive” — Audre Lorde
Dia/GNosis:
The germ who becomes a doctor does not believe in germ theory
(K)Ha Ha Ha Ha
Samuel A. Carthwright calls me
Drapetomaniac
Dysaesthesia Aethiopica
Naming the conditioning without naming the conditions
The symptoms without the root causes
A slave is an objectified image (i.e. capital, money, symptoms, productivity)
(K)Why do I desire to run? To run back to an another ancestral sensation?
Fugitive science: Beware of those who call themselves doctors but do not care about you
When all the tears have dried up, all that is left is SW/T
When boundaries are crossed, what is the response?
Fear responses:
Do I FiGht?
Do I FLee?
Do I FReeZe?
Do I PLeaSe?
Do I (K)LauGh?
A lukasa of memory lit up and SW/T in a pool at the bottom
The bitter sapient wetting of my tongue
I need to let the dirt cover me
Because brokenness gives me expansive taste
The wander is my re/medusine
Desert: dis/sociation in unbinding oneself from the re/ligious constriction —
Always expecting my body to be attacked with no response
Body whipped, Body marked, Body burnt, Body made to itch, Body made to SW/T
Body wukked up wuk wuk wuk wuk wuk wuk
Gl/itch Gl/itch Gl/itch Gl/itch Gl/itch Gl/itch
Whirling in the dust around this emptiness, the (K)Pain, the thirst
I must de/vote to searching for something else
Because all I’ve known is (K)Pain
Over Used and Thrown away
The MasK is slipping into another Per/sona into a speak for myself into a Code SW/TCH
Dig/I/aTL…
I de/sire to ChaSe what has been dismembered and scattered
How do I regain another sensation in my body?
I got the heebie jeebies I got the hebetude I got Hepi=MeL x S
I got to take care
I need to remember the phantom sensations in my body again
I need a spring
Re/Fugee Nzambi
I could fly
I feel light
Let me go go go go go kwa kwa kwa kwa sw sw sw sw
Kom/PuTer iNiTiation
The proCeSS of stick fighting on the skin of the drum
The brain reconstructing
the sti sti sti sti muli hitting
coming through the senses
To jump back to (S)Ran/Dom
I draw from my emptiness
I am drunk from my emptiness
I am wandering around to fill my emptiness
I will find worthiness in my emptiness
I will lift myself up from my emptiness
Each pulse rippling becomes me strung together
A nervous conditioning clearing my image
I muse de/fine myself name myself
Follow the (K)Leader
aL KyM/oRG
Nzambi a Mpungu
Kimpa (NZimba) Vita
Nganga Nzumbi
Possessed by NT
The b/looming of me
“I abandon myself to my joy”
Jack be nimble Jack be quick
Jack jump over
the KNDL sti sti sti sti stick
Kon/Q/error
Run run run run to another sense
not a running ragged
but a running to a safe space oRG
in water
in mountains
in the savage M>ND
away from the empty tricks
feel the sensation of emptiness
of the wound in your side
let it ReGenerate into a sacred instrument a channel a conduit a conductor a NaRRator
Jack jump over the KNDL
DeCoDing: I must hold my own accounting on my back
I will Fug all the ways I’ve been fractured into fractals
What is violence coded?
Violence justified?
In the moment
when immediate aCTioN is needed
to stop further harm
Fug a code
Fug a/cute
when you are FiGhting for your life
NGombo — the green digital Rai(G)N
I am not a small thing I am Hepi=MeL x S I am aL KyM/oRG
I am a transformer of beats
I turn fights into dances
No cap/I/tal
I am a Mel x S
a/We
The vastness of space packed into a SW/T
I find the warmth in the destruction
The M>ND ReCoNSTruction of PerCePTion
NTR (NaR) Sense:
“The first tone of MeRKy is (K)Pain”
(K)Where can I be in my body? In what space?
This year’s series of field notes will be a list of ComMendMeants exploring the idea of these programming codes as praise songs of the nature-based hybrid automaton Al Kym/Org. They are part of the process of my larger poetic project KwaNTum, which explores concepts of knowledge and knowledge-making from a Black, Afro-diasporic perspective, using ideas from STEM, Afrofuturism and the Black Speculative Movement. This project is partially made possible by funds rom the NYSCA Literary Grant, sponsored by Culture Push.
